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Facebook Parenting for the Troubled Teen

Elena LaVictoire has a blog:  My Domestic Church  and a twitter stream: @mrsL  Today she tweeted: And all the parents stood up and went... Yea!!!! Referring to her blog post of a very disgruntled father who had found a message from his daughter that she had not intended for her parents to read posted on Face Book.

The message he records for his daughter is entitled: Facebook Parenting for the Troubled Teen.  Right there you can imagine that there is more to this story, and its not a good a story.  The father is clearly sick and tired of his daughter and her actions.  It can be surmised from the very scant evidence that he is not too pleased with his daughters friends.  All of this is something that parents deal with on a daily, week, sometimes hourly basis.  There is no house, no parent, no family that doesn't have to deal with some thing, but to go to extremes only escalates the trouble.

This father is hurting, frustrated but now he has brought himself to the level of his daughter.  He sounds more like a teenage boy than the King of the family God intended him to be.  When you let emotion and especially frustration take over you are no longer in control.  You have thrown down the gauntlet and your teen will pick it up and it will get ugly.

Now the social worker comes out in me and I begin to think of what back story is there that we are not privy to, what is going on at home that makes dad want to do this? This situation is serious and by escalating this father has created a war that no one will win.  He has broken trust, who wants to have their dirty laundry aired in the front garden for all the world to see.  What this video says is that I don't trust, like you or want to help you grow to be who God has called you to be; I just want to fight you!   To my social worker eye its seems as if Father is very controlling and daughter seems to be very reactionary.  Read I Am Yellow for an examination of personality in our home, and  Four Color Personality for a definition of each personality color.  Father and daughter may have personality traits in common and that often leads to conflict of personality, authority and relationships.   I deduce this from the fact that daughter is so willing to rub daddy's nose in it and daddy is willing to treat her so badly.

In the book The Authentic Catholic Women, by Genevieve Kineke she talks about how love has a more powerful effort on children and is a powerful tool in parenting than belittling and emotional-spiritual abuse I say this Father is heaping on his daughter.  Think of how Mary dealt with the situation of Jesus in the Temple.  I am sure that she was like any of us when confronted with a missing teen, panicked!  But Mary keeps her head about her, she did not over act, like this Father is doing, she considered the best course of action and followed it,  She searches for her son until she finds him and instead of belittling, berating him she asks him why he is there, questions his responses and treats him with parental respect.

That is something very glaringly missing with this Father: Parental respect for his child.  I am not saying that he should condone what she is doing, forgive it and let her continue that would as bad as what he is doing now.  No, parental respect says I am your parent, your guide, you protector, I will treat with dignity, I will teach you to reach always for good, to love others and God as you well as yourself, I will accept that God made you unique and to learn how to parent that unique you.  Discipline will be balanced with forgiveness and forgiveness will be a component of discipline for without it you, my child, will remain stuck feeling unworthy.  What I am willing to do for and with you, I will receive in kind from you to me and everyone else you meet.

Watch at your own risk:

12 comments:

  1. The father mentions mother and step mother in his rant. I don't think we know all of the details of their family life. On the one hand, he TOLD her he would do this if she did XYZ, she did XYZ, and now he's following through. On the other hand, you're right, he isn't being respectful of her. But then again, he is reacting to her disrespect. I don't think it's applaudable, but I think it's understandable.

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  2. Understandable? The social worker in me just dropped her jaw! :)

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  3. There is no excuse for what he did. Every child will pass through a rebellious phase and it is the responsibility of the parents to be the "adults", act maturely, and teach their children to cherish the life that they provided.

    You can't fight fire with fire, actually you can but you will both get burned. An expression comes to mind "kill them with kindness", I am not saying to be weak but if you don't fuel their actions with
    mirrored ones then the fire will die out.

    I am not a parent but I choose to believe that my parents did a great
    job or raising me to be a responsible, polite, and considerate human being. We had our fights but they were always rational and reasoned with me, in the end we reached a middle ground through consideration and communication thus everyone was happy.

    I hope to raise my kids the same way one day.

    Back to this father, fine shooting your daughter's laptop creates a shock and awe effect but really? You are fine with damaging property that you paid for and invested $130 in software? Take the laptop away for a week, month, year whatever but damaging it makes no sense at all

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  4. Thank you for you wonderfully reasoned comment, I think you have all the makings of a great dad

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  5. Thank you so much for your blog post. Your rational thoughts are refreshing compared to what I have been reading about this on other sites. The intimidation and act of violence here is alarming.

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  6. Slapithigh,

    This is a very important issues. I believe that the form of parenting this Father engages in is based on fear, and one way to know that it is fear based is the use of violence which indicates a deep seated anger. If you don't think this Father has anger issues just watch his body language, and listen to how the tone of his voice raise in pitch; he is a very angry man.

    Those who support or champion this father are also doing it out of fear and anger. God did not give parents a spirit of fear but one of power and love and discipline2 Tim 1:7

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  7. That was VERY disturbing. The last part really shocked me. He shoots her laptop! So wrong on so many levels.

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  8. When I was 10 and my brother 9, he was expert at pushing my buttons. One day we both arrived home from school and he was tormenting me as usual. We came into the house into the kitchen. I was so mad at him I opened the refrigerator door, grabbed a head of lettuce and heaved it at him. He ducked and the kitchen window broke. My dad made both of us pay to have the window repaired. No yelling or beating. Just hand over the money. In 1955 we paid $2.50 each, which was a lot of money in those days. I never did anything like that since.

    My observation of this situation is that the parents haven't demanded accountability of this spoiled teen until now. Better late than never. Actions have consequences. The disrespect this teen shows to the adults in her life is appalling. The adults have let her get away with it. Time for both to reform.

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  9. Barb,

    I agree with you Barb as mothers, who are the priest = Nurturer, Prophet = Teacher, and Queen = Guide to our children, we need to be strong enough to be what our children need.

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  10. This is one trending issue on the net but I think that not so many people know what damage it can bring in terms of disciplining teens. It is clear that the father had enough and he lost his cool image and leveled down to his daughter which makes him irrational as well. This is not the way to help our teens become responsible; this is an act of delinquency.

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