There are Moms Who Ask: Does God Really Love Me?
Kathleen Basi left me a comment saying...Our priest that weekend--a Dominican--said that we shouldn't look at this as a list of job qualifications for a wife, but instead as a standard that all of us, men and women, need to live up to on a SPIRITUAL level--being tireless in the service of God, not so much about the domestic duties. Her comments on proverbs 31 A Good Wife
Kathleen, I agree with your learned Dominican, but I am speaking of my work with moms who are not looking for a theological discussion on domestic duties, the tireless service to God that is a calling for both men and women; I am working with moms who come to see me angry, or tearful, or weary, at how their spiritual life is going, and if I were to only speak to them of the theological I would be doing a disservice to their spiritual needs.
Not every woman has the experience of being confident. These moms are not the rare few, they sit silently in pews and hold back tears. They can only hope that they will come to a place where they feel blessed. These are moms with good husbands, good children, good vocations, good lives. On the whole they look great, but inside, in their souls they harbour a sorrow, they secretly know that God does not love them, that God has and is laughing at them. Like a woman who seeks out help for depression these moms have been seeking help for their spiritual depression; and while I have only been a social worker during my earlier calling, I know that there is a spiritual hunger, a spiritual depression that moms face; and I feel called to help.
These moms feel they have no real role, and it has nothing to do with what the Church teaches, says, does but HOW they feel, what they have learned from their own families. These are moms who came from families with little nurturing. The moms view, like all our views, are formed from what they see of their parents reactions to life. Many of these moms have parents were task masters, parents whom you might expect Jesus to describe as Pharisees who adhered to the law and had no room for experiencing faith. For them it was how you performed, not how you loved. Read more about this in the post Good Wife part deux
They have a great need to understand how God sees them, because they can not believe they are worthy of God's love at all! They come to see me because they have lost themselves in the role of mom; which often is a defense mechanism for them so they do not have to explore any other calling they might receive from God. For them many of the issues they bring up such as the lack of gratitude come from their need to learn to be self nurturing. The Greatest Commandment: Love God with all your soul, mind and heart; they desperately try to do; the: and love your neighbour as yourself, causes them to feel unworthy, devalued. How can they love their neighbour if they can not love themselves! It is not the gratitude they lack, that is a small part, it is the unworthiness they allow themselves to feel; when they should choose to give themselves the permission to see themselves as God does beloved daughters!
Blog-versation: The Great Commandment: the First Step in learning Self Nurturing