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proverbs 31 A Good Wife

Husband: "Why are YOU always so sensitive!" Said after the wife yet again misinterprets his tone, which to her sounds snarky and annoyed.
Wife: Lowers head and acts as if she again did something wrong.
It's a cross many wives and mothers bear.  Let me explain.  How we were raised affects every aspects of our lives all our lives long.  I have been dealing with chronic depression from the age of thirteen, been in therapy and are taking anti-depressants for some time, fought many demons- won Thank God, and had to rewrite many inner dialogues which never placed me in a positive light.    So, excuse me if my inner nob is tuned a little to the over sensitive side!  And I can relate to moms who have come to me saying that with all the work they have done it never seems to be enough!

Prv 31:10-13, 19-20, 30-31
When one finds a worthy wife, her value is far beyond pearls.
Her husband, entrusting his heart to her,
has an unfailing prize.
She brings him good, and not evil,
all the days of her life.
She obtains wool and flax
and works with loving hands.
She puts her hands to the distaff,
and her fingers ply the spindle.
She reaches out her hands to the poor,
and extends her arms to the needy.
Charm is deceptive and beauty fleeting;
the woman who fears the LORD is to be praised.
Give her a reward for her labors,
and let her works praise her at the city gates.
For those of us who still suffer, who still fight for the feeling that we are worthy this reading can bring up quite a bit about how we just don't measure up!  According to the wonderful priest who gave the homily on Sunday: This Priest is not like most who may have not have dated; he was engaged to be married when he finally admitted to himself and his love that God had called him to the priesthood, he has an understanding of the relationships between man and wife; he related how God does not want us to look at our callings as "jobs".  For us as Catholic/Christians should see all we do as a joy, a gift from God.  Each thing we do, each person we meet as an opportunity to experience God in our lives. He goes on to explain the other readings, for the Gospel he said: "God does give to each of us the talents we need, and it is our calling to do with them what we can to increase those talents, to do more than we expect we can.  The second reading he warned us not to allow the devil to come into our lives to steal our joy.  He drew all the readings together by saying that God wants us to be aware that all God has given us is to give us great joy and peace.  We must work, realize that we are to measure ourselves only against ourselves, we must never see the talents given to one as  more than we have gotten because we have no idea how God measure those talents.  One talent may weight more than ten, and who are we to judge.  Father points out how envoy and jealousy steal from us the joy God wants us to have.  He suggests that we fall in love with God, fall in love with others, because if we do how can not do all we can for others.

One of the moms I have journeyed with met up with me after Mass and wanted to talk.  It seems that the readings and the homily had brought up quite a bit.  She whispered into my ear: "What about some gratitude, an occasional 'Thank You'?  Why is it that I have to beg to for some simple gratitude? Doesn't it say a good wife should be praised?"  This mom like so many of the moms I have journeyed with, has had a difficult life as a child; so she sees this reading in view of her expereince: I have yet to do enough to be worthy!  Simple words of thanks from her family can make her feel as if she is visible. She may even cry because she can't believe she is worthy of even thanks!  Let her cry, just hug her and let her know she is a wife of value!

A Good Wife part deux


  1. Our priest that weekend--a Dominican--said that we shouldn't look at this as a list of job qualifications for a wife, but instead as a standard that all of us, men and women, need to live up to on a SPIRITUAL level--being tireless in the service of God, not so much about the domestic duties.

  2. I second Kathleen's comment. We are, each of us, a pearl because God loved us enough to create us. Yes, it's great to be appreciated and difficult to be picked on. It's OK to stand up for ourselves and as parents, we should teach our kids to be thankful for what parents do for them.

    I think the worst thing women can do is hang a big "Kick me" sign front and back and teach everyone in their lives not to take them seriously. It's bad for everyone all the way around. Been there. Done that. Never again.

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