If You, O Lord, mark iniquities, Lord, who can stand?
One of the things my hubby and I thought was very beneficial for our exercise was to really look at ways we could strengthen those areas in both ourselves and our marriage.
Yesterday we learned that a person my husband tutors had lost a friend. We knew nothing more than that. My husband's tutoree is someone we would call a friend, someone who now needs support in this time of grief. Years past it was always been my inclination to do things like send out cards, make cookies for those who needed support, or newly moved into the neigbourhood, until recently.
This lose prompted me do some heavy duty discernment, why had this changed? Did it change because God is calling me to something different? Different? No. Why would God want me to be in fewer relationships? Have less of a connection with others? Than it is a block in my own life that has caused me to stop, a fear God is asking me to look at and to bust. This felt very much as the answer. Clearly God wasn't calling me to be in fewer relationships, to be less mindful of others! Even hermits who separate themselves from the world are still in deep connection with others through prayer! No, it was clear I was isolating myself because of my fear and incorrect thoughts that I was unworthy.
I look at the relationships I have harmed and feel such guilt that I feel I can't stand, but it is the healing of these relationship, the refusal to listen to the devil on my shoulder who loves to spit poison in my ear, that I will triumph and be whom I am called to be for myself, my hubby and my world.
We went out and got a card for my hubby's tutoree and sent it --- felt very good to do that.