Her question on the Let's Talk forum was: Are You Happy? Stay At Home Moms Especially.
Her post read:
I have been a stay at home mom for almost 7 years, I always did pretty great with it until lately. How do you stay happy always doing things for those you love and never yourself? I mean, I take a bath every week or so, but everyone still bugs me the whole time. I never get alone time. I have 4 kids, aged 6,4,3, and 4 mo. I guess i'm just wondering if anybody feels like this or has felt like this? I'm not happy, I do the exact same thing everyday and it is really wearing on me. I don't want to get out of bed. I haven't been caring lately if anything around here is done. I do the bare minimum of dishes, vaccuming, everything. I am depressed, I KNOW THAT. I'd prefer not to get on meds, been there before. Anyway, if you have been here, how did you get better? Thanks.
EDIT... I do shower everyday. I must have come across wrong. I meant a bath ( with a book and all that) I'll be honest. We are so broke it's not even funny . My husband? Well, I can't talk to him much. He doesn't really know how to handle the kids. I love him and i' not going to leave him. I;m just in a real bad funk and need new ideas. He put a new battery in the car today, now none of the guages work. Just seems like one thing after the other. I'm sure alot of you can relate.
My reply was:
I know exactly how you feel, if we are honest many other moms have felt exactly as you do. I am a mom of four, been married for 20 + years. I have dealt with our eldest being a knucklehead as a teen, been through the preemie birth of our teens, and therapy for our youngest twinie girls: she is now a typical 16 year old girl, worked with our second son when he went through depression after his first year of college, he is fine now and creating video games as his major! You see life does happen to all of us and as mom we have to learn to roll with what life gives us!
Rolling with the punches means that I had to look at what was going on and make some changes for myself and that made HUGE POSITIVE changes for my family, and marriage! Being a mom with a little life experience I can tell you that life is very cyclical; and learning to roll now will help you later. Here is what I did and experienced; does any of it sound true to your situation?
It sounds as if you are depressed and it is a very natural thing mothering is both rewarding and wearying, it is something that EVERY mother feels sometime but like many have said: have you planned to do something that brings you out into the world of grownups? Do you have goals for yourself! Mothering is just PART of who we are and when our children are little is the time to think and explore who we are want to be! Have you asked yourself: "What do I see MYSELF doing in the next five, ten years of motherhood?" I know for myself that after I had achieved my dreams and goals for myself, and did not set NEW ONES, my world got very, very, very small!
Do you see yourself as a role model for your children? Sometimes seeing ourselves as others do helps us be motivated to change how we feel. How do you see yourself? Do you feel as if you are a glorified maid? Many moms can begin to feel invisible, as if they have become lost in the ROLE of mother. They no longer see themselves. Here, again, this is something I went through periodically in my motherhood and I had to look at what I wanted to achieve. Was I taking care of myself, and more than just the basics. What was I doing to renew myself mentally, emotionally, spiritually? Was I getting the right kind of sleep, hard when kiddies at little, and believe me when kiddies get to be teens, but it is SO important to do! How did I think my kiddies where looking at me as a role model someone to aspire to, or as just a "mom." How was I LOOKING at myself? Was I falling into "the I am only a Mom Trap"; Meaning that I did not deserve anything better in my life, that I no longer needed dreams and goals because I was JUST A MOM!?
Do you have role model moms, those women you look up to and say: "Gee, She seems to have it together, how does she do that?" If she is a friend of yours you can go ask her how she does it! Is there a relative that you admire? I have many role models, those moms and women I want to be went I "grow-up." We all need those women/moms who inspire us and give us hope that anything in our world is possible.
So here is my question to you: what do you think?