1. Avoid turning statements into questions by stating your goal/wishes with a 2. disclaimer.
Take the case of getting children to listen to you and do what you want them to do. I learned from Greg that the more I spoke, acted and thought as a Queen, the more the children responded positively. We undermine our Queen-ship when we speak and act in an indecisive way. When we use words like need this sets up in the child's mind: "Who needs, you or me. If its you than why should I do it, you want it not me, well I don't need to clear my room! So, no I won't!" I learned in my many years of Mothering/Queenship that I hate the words could/would/should; they all lend an air of weakness. If my sentences sound like questions my children would jump all over that. It sounded to them as if I had no goal for what I wanted them to do, and that meant they could do as they wanted!
3. Manage your expectations.
As with all things the more you establish a goal and an end game you are better able to create the positive parenting atmosphere you want. Children crave and want rules, boundaries and limitations. These help them feel secure. As a Social Worker I knew that children who were acting up/out where children without rules, boundaries and limitations; without them the children feel vulnerable, exposed, open to attack. Children that were clingy, insecure; felt and acted as if they were afraid, they felt a sense of doom, unsafe. The more they had rules that fit the family values, hopes and dreams, the better the children felt, the less they felt as if they were being thrown to the wolves.
4. Make yourself visible.
Can you see your children, know where they are, what they are doing? Can they see you or know you are within shooting distance? Being a Mom/Queen means knowing what is going in your castle and what your princes and princess' are doing.
|I only wish I looked this|
good in my mommy uniform.
Kendra with all her
beauty doesn't look
like a Queen
How Queenly was I when I wore my, as my kids put, mommy uniform? I love what Laura wrote, (in part): "So here it goes, this is why I dress the way I do and refuse to give in and dress the way 95% of the moms in my area do. As a woman, I feel that it is very important to not allow motherhood to consume 100% of my identity............I believe what I wear reflects to the world who I am."
If we know that being a Catholic Mother means that we are living and parenting through our Baptismal Roles of Priest, Prophet and Queen, how Queenly do we look dress in sweats or baggy jeans? Dressing without authority, and come on; doesn't dressing in that mommy uniform make us look more like servants, and how much authority does a servant have, tells people they can treat us and react to our requests as if we are servants.
6. Make eye contact.
Now when I was wearing the mommy uniform I felt and acted like a servant and how many servants look people in the eye? To be Queenly we must treat people with great authority and great respect. How much of either are we showing when we don't meant someone eye to eye. For young children we need to get to their level, squatting down, to stand over a young child makes you look out of reach and fearful, it undermines your authroity. Being on someone level and making eye contact creates an immediate connection, it makes you look powerful and accessible, you have better success because the child "hears you." I would squat down and ask my children, what color are my eyes, sounds silly but it made the child immediately connect with me, I knew I had their complete attention and we were locked into a relationship of Queen and princes/princess; I have them! “Making eye contact infers that what you have to say is important and that the person to whom you are saying it is important, too,” Ginny Clarke, career coach and author of Career Mapping.
An important thing I learned, you can take your time to say something, to decide something. Not everything, except those things that are life threatening, needs to be decided immediately. It would drive me crazy that my hubby would seem to be stalling, I wanted something decided THEN/NOW. But Greg was taking his time to decide, and to take the emotion out of it; emotions can cloud the real decision to be made and this "stalling" gave Greg more time to gather evidence the more you gather the better the desion, the calmer the situation the better the result.
8. Stand Strong
How's your posture? Nothing says I have no authority than to stand with your shoulders drooped and eyes downcast. Stand up, be proud, God loves you! He is there to support your parenting/Queenship!
Would love to hear from you about this, please leave a comment, question, or suggestion