Eternal Rest Grant Unto Her O Lord
There are many of us who have seen pictures of Amy Winehouse stumbling drunk, vacant eyed, disheveled. We have all read of her troubled life, marriage. We have all read of her drug use, and hopefully many have felt empathy or sympathy for her.
Those who feel empathy are those who have a vicarious knowledge, not that they wanted to live through Ms. Winehouse's live but that they have experience of her life. They have done similar things but learned the lessons meant for them and moved forward, moved on, triumphed.
Those who feel sympathy are those who feel pain for others but have no corresponding life style with the person.
I am thinking of her parents. They tired everything to help their daughter: Forcing her into rehab. Suffered with the marriage of their daughter to a young man they did not like and felt was enabling her to use.
They must be feeling as if their whole world have come crushing down around their ears. That is how it is when you are forced to watch helplessly as your adult child destroy themselves. It feels like a slow motion train wrack that you are forced to watch over and over again. When the end does come it hits you with the force of a bull elephant. You feel as if you can not breathe and even if you could; what good would it do? Your helplessness is crippling.
But you must force yourself to move on, because not to would kill you. If we have done everything we can, tried everything we can, risked everything, than we must let it go, no matter how impossible that is; if they have CHOSEN we can only let them choose. It is not our fault.
Focusing on what we did well helps bring things into perceptive.